Ten Days Of Horror Films – Day #4: B-Movies
Please note: Ten Days Of Horror Films is compiled into ten separate lists which identify individual genres of horror with each day in the list containing three movies: my favourite movie from that specific genre, an honourable mention, and a big ol’ loser.
Whoa boy, longest week ever or what? But it’s finally Friday and I’m giving you a list of some pretty awesome B-movies! I love a good B-movie. Even if it’s awful, it’s still better than a massive budget Hollywood blockbuster that just stanks (we all saw Spiderman 3 and we all know it was bad and we all know we’re not getting those almost 2 1/2 hours back). B-movies all have a certain character to them, like me reaching for things on the top of the fridge. I’m trying my hardest, but it’s never gonna happen. The B-movie actors are trying their best, but they’re still in a B-movie. You just wanna say “Aw….good effort!” Enough chatter. Let’s see what B-movies I give an ‘A’ rating (see what I did there?).
Before I say anything about this, I can tell you that it is available in full length on You Tube; roses are red, violets are blue, dearest internet, I love you. This movie isn’t really all that good. The plot is pretty weak, the acting is questionable, and the killings are not very scary. BUT THE FINAL SCENE!! OH MAN! Nothing really surprises me in life or in film, but I and no one else in the world could possibly have seen that ending coming. You might think you can skip the movie to the ending, but don’t! The movie is really silly and cheesy and so ’80s (if you’re not entertained by shorts that are way too short and socks that are way too high, you are made of stone). If you only watch one movie out of all of the movies I’ve listed up until now, make it this one. I am that firm about the ending being a crazy shocker that you have never seen and will probably never see again.
Slumber Party Massacre
THIS TRAILER IS NSFW – THERE IS BARE BUM WITHIN THE FIRST 8 SECONDS AND THEN SOME GIRL CHEST. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED (or titillated, or both).
Who doesn’t love a good slumber party killing spree? It’s perfect since, in my experience, most horror movies were watched during slumber parties. You’re all sitting there, watching some people get murdered at a sleepover, kind of like the one you’re at, and then it’s time to get to sleep and every sound in the house you’re in makes you wonder if someone’s about to slay you. Doesn’t that sound like fun? I’m warped, I know it. This is another ’80s movie, so you have some more short shorts, no bras (I think there must have been some kind of trade embargo on bras in the ’80s…do you have a better explanation?), super machismo dudes, and girls who like to party. Though watching people get killed off one after the other sounds pretty lame, the murder weapon in this movie is pretty original and the murderer himself is a super weird looking guy. I recommend a bit of a movie marathon with this and Slumber Party Massacre 2 which is equally awkward and entertaining.
Leprechaun: In The Hood
Don’t. Do NOT do it. You might think, “But it’s the Leprechaun franchise, and he’s in the ‘hood. How is that not amazing?” It’s not, trust me. It is horrible. I just looked up how long it is – 90 minutes. I am in disbelief. That thing felt like it was over two hours. I even remember while I was watching it, I checked how long it had been on because it felt like hours had passed; it wasn’t even past the one hour mark. The story is weak and tries so hard to be hip and cool that it just winds up being something that makes you feel like your stomach just imploded. LEPRECHAUN RAPS IN THE MOVIE. Raps. So bad. Imagine if your parents got a chest tattoo with some Fallout Boy lyrics. Wouldn’t you say, “What is even happening?” That is the same reaction you will have if you watch this movie. It is a bad B-movie that isn’t even good in it’s badness. Just watch Sleepaway Camp twice and skip this pile o’ garbage.
I want to know what you think about B-movies. Do you like them, hate them, never seen a single one of them? Tell me if you’ve seen The Rollerblade Seven and loved it! We could totally hang out!