Why I Love Horror Movies
Here’s the thing about loving horror movies. If you openly tell people that it’s your favourite genre, they’ll probably ask “why?”. You could just tell that person a random answer to satiate them, or, if you’re like me, you’ll actually want to give them an honest answer and you’ll spend a moment or two being introspective and digging down to determine the really real answer to that query. So now I’m going to put my reason in writing (kind of, I mean, is a blog legally binding?). Maybe it’s your reason, and if it’s not, I’d love to read other reasons for naming horror as your favourite genre.
After much soul searching (or several seconds of thought over several months on a sporadic basis), I’ve discovered that the reason I love horror is because it is the genre that has the most to teach. I’m not as voracious when it comes to watching other genres of movies, so maybe there are lessons to be learned in rom-coms that I’m missing (like how to change to suit your love interest’s personality and lifestyle like a lame conformist, but who am I to say that Grease has one of the worst messages/conclusions of all time), but I think I’ll stick with learning about survival versus how to either attract or repel a dude. Of course I can’t just tell you that I’ve learned things, I should write a little something to back up my statement. Here is a convenient list of my top takeaways from years of watching horror movies.
1) Never Hide In The Basement
If you haven’t watched You’re Next yet, do yourself a favour and watch it! I resisted seeing this movie because I’m an a-hole, but moreover because the trailer made it look really crappy and unoriginal. My a-hole self thought, “Woopty doo, another movie where people are in a house and get slaughtered one after the other because they all suck and don’t know how to fight back because they’re the worst characters ever.” Well wasn’t I in for a surprise when that house full of people had one hardcore girl in it that wasn’t going to just lay down and die? Would I say this girl is my idol? Yes. I would. Anyways, don’t hide in the basement because your killer(s) could pour gasoline down the stairs, strike a match and lock you in the basement to burn to death. If your basement has windows, then this isn’t so much of a problem, but most basements have windows only a small child could fit through. Find another hiding spot!
2) Situate Yourself In A Room’s Corner
I’m thinking I’ve never really seen someone pull this off in a horror movie, but it’s something I’ve picked up by watching people consistently screw up and hide under a bed or behind some curtains, and then bam! Attack from above, attack from behind, attack from the side. If you have no other choice but to showdown with your attacker, hide in the corner of a room. Can someone sneak up behind you when you have a wall at your back and to both of your sides? Doubtful. And please, don’t just curl into a ball if your hunter comes into the room you’re in. Explode outward and try to tackle that fool!
3) Inspect The House With A Weapon, And Do It Fast And Loudly
This is another item learned from watching people in horror movies just tiptoe around in the dark after they’ve heard an ominous sound. When I was a youngster, I lived in a fairly big home that was all one level, so I’d have to walk a far stretch to inspect a sound on the other side of the house. First thing I’d do was grab a knife from the kitchen. Then, with some vigor, I’d turn on all lights as I walked down the hall with the knife at my ready and say “If someone is in here, I have a knife, and I’m not afraid to use it!” You say “psychopath”, I say “well prepared”. I just don’t understand the hesitation of people in horror movies. You hear a noise, you have to be ready to fight or flight. None of this gingerly looking around, assuming a raccoon got into the house (although who’s to say you’re not going to have to go toe-to-toe with a raccoon in a fight to the death?) and everything will be OK. Be ready, and be angry.
4) Don’t Go On Vacation To The Middle Of Nowhere
Why, oh why do people in horror movies always insist on going to the middle of nowhere to “unwind”? I know people do this in real life, too, but I have to frown on that. If I’m more than 20 minutes from a hospital, I’m anxious. At worst, a killer is stalking you and you have nowhere to run for help (and no cell reception because of course not). At best, you injure yourself and have to drive an hour or more to get medical attention. Think of the stuff you do in nature. Chop wood? Accidental axe to the leg. Blood everywhere. Hospital over an hour away. Massive blood loss, potential loss of life. ATV? Flip off the ATV after taking a rad jump. Broken bones, various lacerations. Loss of blood, maybe even paralysis. Hunting? Accidental gunshot wound. Canoeing? Drowning. Roasting marshmallows? 3rd degree burns. The list goes on. Going out into the wild is just not a good idea. You want to be as close to other humans for help and assistance as possible. Or you better be travelling with a survivalist and a paramedic.
5) Just Move House, Dude
Although ghosts are not real, I thought I’d touch on this one as well. Why are people so resistant to move when they find out their house is haunted? Just count your losses and move on. I’m a home owner, and even though I could lose thousands of dollars by jumping ship on our place, I’d still just leave if I was in fear in my own home from something I couldn’t explain. Exorcisms never work (because ghosts aren’t real *ahem*), and the ghosts get pissy when you try to communicate with them or stand up to them. Forget about it. Just move out. This one can apply to real life as well for anything – a job you’re at, a relationship you’re in. You think if you try real hard, maybe these situations will get better. Guess what? They won’t. Move on, move out, do what you gotta do. Don’t waste your time trying to improve something that is beyond repair. Duct tape can only patch a leak for so long. Eventually that dam is gonna break – do you want to be around when it does?
Now I want to know, what is your favourite genre and why? If you love horror, why do you love it? The excitement? The thrill of being a little bit scared but still safe? Side note: I’m supposed to be doing an online course right now, and I’m not because I’m just a sack of garbage.