Sisters Are Doin’ It For Themselves

Source: caua1000.wordpress.com

Source: caua1000.wordpress.com

Whoa! How’d that picture of me get on the internet? I tell ya, sometimes your friends take candid pictures of you and next thing you know, it’s all over the place. I kid, but there is a picture in existence of me dressed as She-Ra on Halloween 1985 or 86. Even cooler, I’m doing that exact pose you see in the above picture. Because I was born awesome, guys. Hannah: serving you awesomeness since 1982. Wait? What are we doing here? Oh yes, that’s right. Talkin’ about girls who kick ass and take names. Here are a couple of movie recommendations for when you want to see girls in leading action roles. Spoiler: neither of my picks are Charlie’s Angels with Drew Barrymore.

1) Hanna

Aw yes. It’s my name sake. And with good cause. I remember when this movie came out, I saw trailers on TV and was like, “A little kid who’s beating up adults? Yeah, that’s realistic.” So maybe you’re thinking the same thing right now after watching that trailer. But stay with me. A teenager could easily kick ass when he or she has been training for their whole life and has altered DNA that makes them stronger, faster, and smarter than the rest of us dummies (by “us dummies” I mean “me dummie”…see?). Here’s the thing: think of what you could learn in 14 years if you had no outside entertainment, had to hunt and gather your own food, and you had a former CIA agent training you in martial arts, defence, and marksmanship. You’d probably be pretty hardcore and you could easily take down people who lacked the focus on training that you’d had over the last 14 years. Hanna may be young and she may not have the size advantage in her fights, but she has the upper hand with her finely honed skills and superhuman DNA. This is one tough woman!

2) Haywire

This post is going to make me sound like a colossal jerk, but again, when I saw this trailer, I was put off because I thought it was another pretty actress in an action movie who they just hired for her looks and then trained to do action stuff, and there’d be a bunch of shots in the movie of her naked or her butt or her boobs. I think because Colombiana came out around the same time, I just got an impression that Hollywood was trying to make female action stars a “thing”, but they’d make sure to throw sex appeal into the movies to make them appeal to men as well as women. Quick aside: Colombiana was a whole lot of unnecessary T & A shots and/or sex scenes, and was a crummy movie, so skip that. Anyways, I didn’t see Haywire until just last year, and since then I’ve watched it five or six times. Despite my first impression, this movie wasn’t just given to a pretty actress with no fighting abilities; it was given to a trained MMA fighter who just happens to be good looking. Now onto my other concern: gratuitous “sexy” shots. Welp, there is only one of those and it happens that she’s fully clothed in it and it’s just her putting her hair up in a slightly sexy way (you know, when you put your arms up to put your hair back and your butt and boobs pop out on their own while making your midsection look long?). Other than that, this movie is just classy action. It’s totally believable that she could hold her own in fights with equally trained men, even beat up Mr. Magic Mike himself, Channing Tatum*. This woman doesn’t take crap from anyone and I’d love to see more movies with the lead actress, Gina Carano. That is after she shows me how she got those wicked awesome biceps. Man, I’d love me some pipes that I could lift kids up on. You know, where you’re like, “Hey kids, check out these pythons” and they’re like, “Whoa” and then when they’re grabbing onto your arms, you lift them from the ground, and they’re like “Oh, awesome!”, and then you let out a bellowing chuckle like a lumberjack.

Do you have any favourite movies with female leads? Who are some of your favourite action leads, male or female? And guys, what up with Liam Neeson being an action star right now? I think it’s really awesome. He may be in his 60s, but if I saw some 60 year old dude who was 6’4″ lumbering towards me and yelling, “Where’s Kim?”, I would probably combination curl into a ball and start crying out, “Aaaaah, dude, I tap! I don’t know who she is, but I will bring you someone named Kim! Just don’t hurt me!”

*I might have seen Magic Mike if it was a comedy about kid’s party magicians.

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