Christmas Movies For The Rest Of Us

Great timing, Hanna. Post a Christmas related blog when Christmas is less than 12 hours away and in some places in the world has already happened. Slow clap for you.

Anyways, is there ever a bad time to talk about horror movies? The answer is no. And if you feel that way, too, you’re in the right place. While everyone else is watching It’s a Wonderful Life (one of the cheesiest and in my opinion worst holiday movies – every time a bell rings, I punch a fan of that movie), I’ll be celebrating Christmas with these picks for what you should be watching during the holidays.

black-christmas

Ahhh yes, Black Christmas. Now don’t be turned off by the fact that this movie is from the 70s and Canadian. It’s got some of the best creepy audio I’ve ever heard. It is a goal of mine to watch this movie with headphones on. And dang, the filthy language the crank caller uses…who knew they had those words in the 70s? 😛 Sit back with some egg nog (the devil’s nectar…just joshin’ – I like egg nog), plug in your Christmas lights, and get ready to feel weird about the bizarre directing and conclusion to this holiday classic.

30-days-of-night

Image courtesy of impawards.com

Though 30 Days Of Night doesn’t technically take place during Christmas, it does occur during the winter and there’s snow, so that’s good enough for me to qualify it as a holiday pick. This was the first movie I saw that actually made me feel weird inside during the gore scenes. I imagined what it might be like to see one of those seriously scary looking vampire’s faces right before I died, and it wouldn’t be a good time! Even though this movie makes me feel uneasy, it’s still something I could turn on at any time and just have fun watching. If you don’t know who Ben Foster is, look into his movies because he’s a really talented chameleon of an actor and does a brilliant job in this movie as a weird grifter. You’d never think he was the kid from the 90s series Flash Forward or the turn of the century timepiece, Get Over It. Anyways, if the trailer didn’t convince you that this movie rules, check out this SAVAGE scene (you only need to watch to the 2:30 mark).

goodnight-mommy

Image courtesy of flickeringmyth.com

Goodnight Mommy doesn’t take place during the winter or any holiday for that matter, but it does take place in Austria which for some reason I always picture as snowy and winter. Just me? Well that’s fine. I popped this on the list because the holidays are meant to be all about family, but I’m betting there’s an even tie for people who love seeing family versus dread seeing them. This movie shows that sometimes people in families are weirdos, and sometimes family can hurt you more than anyone else. I can’t believe this movie only has a 6.7 on IMDB. I think it’s one of the weirdest and hardest to watch movies I’ve ever seen. But that’s Europe for ya’; they can get away with making some pretty brutal stuff that we don’t dare make here in North America. Well, OK, the US. Canada gets away with some good stuff sometimes (like anything that’s on Showcase…the stuff I saw on that channel made me one of the most educated people I know in the filthy subjects of adulthood).

That about wraps it up. You now have some badass stuff to watch over your holiday season. What am I watching right now? Hilary Duff’s 3-minute commercial for her perfume With Love. Sometimes I watch stuff on You Tube that I can’t believe was ever allowed to happen because it’s so cringe-worthy. “Whoa, you mean that was a black wig she was wearing? Colour me stunned!” Gross. Oh god, now it’s moved to the Wake Up video…her new teeth in that video? This is what happens when you’re surrounded by yes-men. Your teeth wind up way too big for your face and mouth and no one tells you. Ugh, and she keeps covering her mouth when she smiles or laughs…because she knows. She knows inside.

HAP-PY HOLIDAYS!

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